Thursday, July 28, 2011

Trying to Run Away from Myself

Summary of Post
My first 10 km! Also my first 10K in Vibrams! Also my first 10K with kidneys on strike! Could be a depressing post, don’t know yet. You have been warned!

Gracie's Komodosport Vibram Five Fingers.
Best bday pressie ever! Thanks hubs!

Post Port Dickson Triathlon Sprint – Onward Ho!!! Not…
Right on the back of my first tri (wonderful, perfect, dream tri for this tri virgin hehe), and completing my first 1.5 km open water swim with Cynthia (Olympic Distance phwoaarrrr *happy*), I was on top of the world! Best of all, my kidneys were behaving nicely, and fingers crossed I set my sights on a Half-Ironman at Desaru International Triathlon September 24 & 25. I forked out US$30 for 6 months membership at, for access to their great training plans. I was a member 2 years ago before being sidelined by illness, so I know they are good. I figured if I am not ready for Half-Ironman closer to the registration deadline, I’ll just do the Sprint instead :).

Then, I got Food Poisoning. (Note to self: AVOID Jusco Aeon Sushi King!) Day Two of Food Poisoning, kidneys started to leak protein and blood in trace amounts. Day Three, food poisoning symptoms less, but too late, proteinuria already serious (3+). By that time I already upped my meds – those hated corticosteroids (e.g prednisone, but I use hydrocortisone). Today is Day Five, massive proteinuria. I can just hope it will come back down in the next few days. I don’t want to get any weaker. I can't afford to get any weaker! Please meds, please work!

Anyway, yesterday I managed to complete my Bronze Medallion life saving certification at the Titiwangsa Golf Club. Today my training plan called for a 1 hour easy run. Usually, when I am relapsing like this, I don’t exercise much (re: 'Exercising with illness: Can?'). At the most, I get on my Orbitrac for 10 minutes and just move a bit.

Today was different.

Today I felt really frustrated. I’m sick of being sick. I’m fed up of ‘babying’ this body. So today, I tried a different strategy. I love running. I was desperate to run. So I did.

The Run
The farthest I’ve gone in my Komodosport Vibrams (like KSO but seamless phwoaarrr), was 4 km at the PD Tri Clinic. Today for my 1 hour easy run at the Kepong Botanical Gardens, I put them on. Bad idea? Don’t know yet. Let’s see how my calves feel tomorrow. I feel like I could skip and play in these bad boys. My knee problems disappear! My pace was a pokey 6:13 kph, but it felt good. I was smiling at the regulars and happy. As it got darker, I ran alone, quiet in my thoughts.

My left hip socket started to hurt a bit, and I corrected my running position (Chi Running style), which fixed that. I think I need to get another bone density scan – the last scan 4 years back showed early osteoporosis on my left hip. Is the pain a sign of something wrong? Hairline fractures?

I was feeling frustrated at being sick, these constant setbacks. I wished I could just keep running, running away from this body that keeps letting me down, but it’s the only body I have! I can’t run away from myself. But today, I sure tried!

I wondered if I was doing myself harm by running during a relapse. But at that point, I guess I was too upset to care. I love running, I’m going to run for as long as I can. God, please don’t take this away from me. Tears were running down my cheeks. I was being a drama queen, except that nobody was around to witness this drama, so hopefully it doesn't count! At this point, it was dark, and I was scolding myself for being a cry baby.

Other than that I was actually feeling good. I started visualizing myself getting better. And I visualized myself in slow-mo sprinting to the finish line and completing some run, any run. And I saw all my buddies and loved ones and Spencer at the finish, cheering me on. And then ah, dang it, I was crying again (but happy tears la). I finished 7 laps (9.8 km - nearly 10 km!) in 1 hr 1 min. Good thing nobody there to see me at this 'finish line'. Malu nyer..

I’m the most drama person I know! I’m actually crying as I write this!!! Phwoaaar. 

My next plan of action, I’m going to have to sleep earlier, get more sleep. Get better, stay better. I always hope for the best! I think I’ll be an optimist till the day I check out of this world.

At the Kepong Botanical Gardens, in my second fav running flats Adidas Jawpaws.

I feel better now. Thanks for listening. :)

xo Gracie

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